Story at Everyday Weirdness

I have flash fiction up at Everyday Weirdness today. Yay!

Ten Easy Steps

Based on my previous post about stories as food, this story has definitely been marmite. Some markets were very close to taking it... others sent back 'what were you thinking!?' replies.

Inspired by Nature: The Index

'Inspired by Nature' is a series of posts about applying science to fantasy/science fiction world design. It mainly covers biological issues, with a focus on ecology.

This index will be updated whenever a new 'Inspired by Nature' post is written.

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Skin Colour - Choosing realistic skin colours for humanoids. Basic concepts covered: Camouflage, warning colours, display colours, mimics.

Fungi - The role of fungi in invented ecosystems. Basic concepts covered: The difference between a producer and a consumer.

Blood-Sucking Insects - A bit about the blood-sucker niche.

Predators Attack - Why would a predator attack your characters?

Plant Physical Weaknesses - Giving your man-eating plants realistic weaknesses.

Inspired by Nature: Skin Colour

You decide to add some humanoid species to your fantasy world. Maybe they're a variant on humans, elves, goblins or something like that. Maybe they're not. What colour should they be?

Here are two ways to choose a colour that make ecologists cry:

• You make them the same colour as you. This might work, but only if you're paying attention to their environment. Most fantasy authors don't... that's why you get pale elves living in the desert.
• You choose your favourite colour. Again, this could work. But it takes a little thought about why they're that colour.

So how do you stop ecologists crying? You choose a colour based on the environment and lifestyle of your species. Not a colour that will leave people wondering why your elves haven't died from sun exposure yet.



Human Skin Tones

A species based closely on humans will probably share their skin colours. For humans, it's all about environmental adaptation. Dark skin protects against the sun. Light skin saves energy (as you're not using energy to make skin pigments), which is handy in less sunny areas, underground or for nocturnal species.

Recent migrants may not have the best skin for the area, but they'll soon adapt. Every generation will be a bit darker/lighter*.

All of this should be obvious, but it's clear some people need to be hit around the head with it like a wet trout. Don't say your pale-skinned elves have lived in the desert for aeons, without a very good reason for why they remained pale.

Tear-Worthy Examples: Drow have black skin, despite living underground and having no need for black skin. It's a cave. It's dark. It's not like anyone's going to see their skin. Nor are they going to get sunburn.



Camouflage

Just because humans don't have stripes, it doesn't mean it's impossible. I like stripey people.

Of course, we can't all be stripey. Different environments need different camouflage. A good rule of thumb is to make land animals brownish and sea animals silver/greyish. Spots and stripes are more common in forest areas - plainer patterns are more common in open areas**.

Part of the art of camouflage isn't about the environment though. It's about why you're hiding. Consider what eats your species or what your species hunts. How well can it see colour and movement? How good does the camouflage really need to be? Let's suppose you're hiding from something with poor colour vision. Suddenly it might be okay to be an orange cat in a green jungle.

Tear-Worthy Examples: Goblins are usually green, while living in caves or rocky places outside. The same goblins stalk human adventurers. Humans have good colour vision and carry lights, so being bright green against the rocks is not a good idea.



Bright Colours

Lots of animals are very bright colours, and not because they live in Neon-Dayglow Land where everything is fluorescent. Bright colours are often like wearing a badge saying "Eat Me, I'm Stupid" (the examples where they're not are discussed in the next section).

In many birds, it's the males who are bright. They use the colours to attract the female. Bright colours are part of a display showing a male is healthy (and quite good at not getting eaten). It's worth noting that where sexes vary, the camouflaged bird is the one who does the lions (eagles?) share of the egg and chick care. The bright one is the one competing for an egg/chick raiser. This won't be the female in every species.

Other reasons can include general communication and species/family recognition. In those cases, you'd expect both sexes to share the colours.

Of course, there's a way to have the best of both worlds. Cuttlefish are a neutral colour most of the time, but are able to change colour rapidly in order to communicate***.

Tear-Worthy Examples?: Honestly, there aren't many brightly-coloured fantasy races. Let alone ones which have mucked up which members of the society get the colours. So the example here is the lack of example. I want to see colour-changing elves.



Warning Colours

There is a time when bright colours aren't a death sentence, but a sign warning others that you're a tough cookie. Wasps are striped to warn of their sting, snakes have numerous patterns to warn of their bite and ladybirds are spotted to warn that they taste foul.

Warning patterns are usually bright colours contrasted with dark colours, such as stripes, diamonds or spots. Much like camouflage, consider who is receiving the warning. The warnees must have reasonable eyesight. There's no point in having warning colours if you're trying to warn a giant carnivorous snail - they don't see well enough.

Tear-Worthy Examples?: Humanoid races with toxic stings or bites aren't very common. Ones that taste bad enough to spit out are even more uncommon. Odd really, considering all the giant predators in fantasy books. You'd think those squishy humanoids might evolve something like this.



Mimics

This isn't a set colour-scheme, but a strategy that might make things interesting. Imagine a predator who doesn't try to camouflage. Instead, it looks just like a male with his mating colours.

Or a highly non-toxic elf, who is striped like the bad-to-eat toxic goblins living next door. The next time the dragon goes looking for snacks, it'll eat the local humans instead.



Taste the Rainbow

These categories obviously overlap. Light camouflage colours will need to be on a layer over the skin (such as fur colour) in a sunny area, but could be the skin colour in less sunny areas. Mating colours still need to offer adequate sun protection, so pastels won't do in the sun.

A good process is to choose your environment first. Then add in any colour differences based on lifestyle.

Go forth... make fantasy a bit more colourful.



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* This means the speed of adaptation will be slower for long-lived species who have children later in life (looking at you elves). Will this species be able to survive long enough to adapt, or will their spread be limited by their slow adaptation? You can go with either, but it's handy to think about it.

** If you're thinking 'aha, zebra!', know that they're a slightly different example. There are various theories, some of which aren't about camouflage at all. One of the most entertaining (from the story point of view) is that zebra are camouflaged against other zebra. As long as your species lives in huge, tightly packed, groups... this one could be for you.

*** I upset a cuttlefish once. It turned angry dark brown and glared at me. All I did was point at it. Never point at a cuttlefish.

Twittering the Sparrows

I don't post lists of my weekly tweets. Most wouldn't make sense if you weren't there (I reply to others a fair bit). However, I have been keeping a list for awhile of my most popular tweets. These are the ones that cause comment, get retweeted, included on blog posts and generate direct messages/emails.

Whenever you see articles about Twitter, they tell you to post stuff people want to read. This is usually interpreted as being original stuff, commenting on current events and telling people how to use Twitter. Things like pets, food and what's happening on Twitter are listed as bad topics. This hasn't been my experience... as you can probably figure out from my most populars.

(Comments on the tweets are in brackets.)


The Tweets

Ate a chocolate with real gold on top. The gold didn't taste of anything, but I can say 'I ate gold'. Now I'm sparklie on the inside. 09:34 PM Aug 16th, 2008


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I have fruit gums shaped like their flavour. The shapes include oranges, bananas, pineapples... and palm trees. I wondered at the last one. 11:31 PM Nov 2nd, 2008

Fruit gum update: No, the palms trees aren't coconut. I think they're palm leaf flavour. Then I found red ones shaped like birds... 12:03 AM Nov 3rd, 2008

(I didn't make this up. Those were some strange sweets.)

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@panhistoria I follow me to remind myself to post, because once I realise myself has not updated, I tell me to prod myself to write a post. 2:31 AM Nov 10th, 2008 in reply to panhistoria

(Replies based on replies are less common now, as Twitter changed who could see them.)

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Tapioca pearls looks like little jellied eyeballs. You can eat them with that eyeball "Ew" feeling, whilst knowing they're plant based. 3:57 AM Jan 5th, 2009

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When I switched on my fishtank light this morning, two baby fishes were peering at me. 5:41 AM Jan 10th, 2009

(Became this post: http://polenth.blogspot.com/2009/02/eating-your-baby-projects-fishy-tale.html

To finish the story, all four babies survived to adulthood.)

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Much as I think fish are cuties, calling them sea kittens is bizarre. Will spiders become silk kittens? You wouldn't squish a kitten. 11:34 PM Jan 13th, 2009

(Became this post: http://polenth.blogspot.com/2009/01/save-silk-kittens.html)

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Hatched from an egg, ate lots of sugar, got me a paperclip hoard. Still searching for the ultimate paperclip. My world is purple. #MyStory Jan 30th, 2009

(#MyStory is a tag for putting your life story in one tweet. I was inspired by the number starting "I was born". I didn't see anyone who claimed to be artificially created in a lab, but that is a bit long when you've only got 140 characters.)

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Replies come and go / Whale watching from the strandline / Twitter addict mourns Apr 5th, 2009

(I probably should have tagged this #haiku, but I didn't. Written during one of Twitter's flakey times.)

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I don't hold follower contests, but if I did, it'd be for the 942nd follower. Follower 942 never gets any love. May 1st, 2009

(Many people give out gifts to the 1000th follower and so forth. I'm not convinced this really works, as you want people to follow you for being you... not because you're giving them presents.)

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Ordered some predatory mites for the cockroach! It's a bit like buying a flea collar for a cat. Only more mitey and organic. 7:16 PM May 19th, 2009

(This one sparked a conversation because people didn't understand what I meant - that the mites were to clean the cockroach, not that the mites killed the cockroach. It didn't lead to a post, but if you'd like to see my roach, here he is in all his roachy glory: http://polenth.blogspot.com/2009/05/cleaning-out-cockroach-tank.html)

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Thing said to a friend that sound odd out of context: "Coconuts aren't steampunk" 2:18 AM May 22nd, 2009

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@SarahReads If I lived in a fantasy world, I'd be a turnip farmer. 12:24 AM May 28th, 2009 in reply to SarahReads

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Ouch. I've got honey in my eyes. My vision's all blurry. 1:21 AM May 28th, 2009

(From the responses, I discovered that most people have never had honey in their eyes, so I suppose this one did come across as original. I don't suggest putting things in your eyes to have something original to tweet about.)

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@VirtualLee The only time I tried to use 'Down for everyone or just me', their site was down for me. 2:22 AM Jun 2nd, 2009 in reply to VirtualLee

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Twitter doesn't want to list my new followers/followees. Maybe it's sulking. Or the fail whale ate them, like digital krill. 9:51 PM Jun 3rd, 2009

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From a fly paper packet: "contains 3 attractive fly killer strips". You couldn't kill them with ugly strips after all. 3:21 PM Jul 10th from web

(Fun fact: We have to use fly papers because of my pets. Fly sprays would kill my cockroach, snails and fish.)

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I made my eyes into Second Life eyes. Now people can stare at me with my own eyes! It's my own personal horror story. 12:47 AM Jul 22nd

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Twitter claimed I had -1 followers. I wonder what a negative follower is like? Other dimensions? 11:11 AM Jul 23rd, 2009

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I have a Hallowe'en balloon, with helium inside and a spider on the outside. The reverse doesn't work so well. 9:16 PM Oct 16th, 2009

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Spam Title: "Are you still alive/dead?" Reply: Yep, still dead and planning the zombie apocalypse. 3:06 AM Oct 22nd, 2009

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If Animal Crossing sold an e-reader, it'd be called the Nook. More memory available for only 19800 bells. 11:51 PM Oct 22nd, 2009

(I think the responses to this one proved that other people don't take the Nook seriously as a name either... and this was a current event, so I do mention them sometimes.)



Conclusions

Generally people replied to things they found funny (even when I was in pain, like the honey incident... you meanies). The list is somewhat skewed to funny because I didn't include responses to content links (like blog posts), which tend to generate more serious replies.

But you don't need anyone to tell you how to link to a blog post... it's the tweets inbetween which get people worrying about being the most original thing since sliced bread. My experience has been it isn't about what you're talking about. It's about how you say it. People already know voice is important for stories and articles. It shouldn't be news that it's important for Twitter too.

Now if only I can convince social media experts that voice is the thing...

The Weakest Link

One of my family brought a new pair of speakers at the local supermarket. A simple task, apart from one thing... they're paranoid about people stealing electronic goods. Even large goods that you can't exactly hide.*

This means they put two security tags in each box. Or three. Or a dozen. Inevitably, the staff sometimes miss one when you're paying for the product.

So our speakers set off the alarm at the security barrier. After this we...

• Opened the box.
• Removed the speakers.
• Rummaged around for the tag.
• Removed the tag.
• Put the speakers back in the box.
• Handed the tag to a checkout person.
• Went through the security barriers again.

All in full view of the staff. No one asked to see our receipt.

As usual, it's the humans mucking things up. It'd be a lovely security system without them. If I were a security barrier, I'd be crying right now.


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* I suppose you could pretend you're pregnant, but not many unborn babies are square.**

** This is an assumption of course. If your baby was square, let me know. I blame eating too many food cubes.