Wildlife Gardening: Growing Wild Garlic

I've rambled before about my little garden. Today is the tale of the wild garlic, a local wildflower* (also known as ramsons and Allium ursinum). We tried to plant wild garlic last year. I dug up** a few plants and moved them into the garden. The heavy clay soil meant I couldn't get all the roots. They were sad little plants indeed.

The thing to know about garlic is it loves a crowd. The plants grow better when they're crowded in with other wild garlic plants. It goes against normal logic, but it's scientifically proven. I had to read the paper on it as part of my Ecology degree. I couldn't take that many plants, so they didn't have the benefit of a crowd.

The second thing to know is it dies off in early summer, leaving you to wait till the next year to see if it makes it. This year, it didn't look like any had survived.

A recent trip to Focus revealed that they sold wild garlic. I've never seen it on sale before, but stranger things have happened. I brought one and it's now been planted out. During the planting, I found a survivor from last year. I can see why we missed it. It has one forlorn leaf and a small flower.

It's one of those things with woodland plants. Many of them hate being moved. It can take some years to get them to settle. The fact a garlic came up this year is a great sign. Hopefully, in a few years we'll have a proper patch of wild garlic. It's an impressive sight once they get going and will fill the garden with a garlicy scent (and next door's garden, the street and anywhere within fifty paces).

The third thing to know is that it smells strongly. Make sure you like the smell of wild garlic before you plant it.

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* I live in England. Wild garlic is native here. Your home may vary.

** Be responsible about where you find your native plants. Someone's garden that borders a wild area is good (with permission). The wild area is not good. Take a small number, not the whole clump (unless the person owning the garden was about to dig the whole lot out and throw them away).

Editors Being Meanies

[If swearing makes you come out in purple spots, don't follow the links]

In my blog wanderings, I came across recent debates on whether editors should be public in their criticisms of writers, whether they're being too mean about it and whether they're really aliens in disguise (joking about the last one... I searched for it, but couldn't find it. Given the popularity of conspiracy theories, I was surprised).

I admit that when I see an editor ranting publicly (especially if they're naming names), I do think "Whoa, scary person". On the other hand, I'm still reading their magazine to see if I have a story that might fit. As long as they handle the writers they hire professionally, I'm not too concerned about whether they send "You suck!" rejection letters or name and shame people who break rules.

I pondered why it was that I didn't mind. I've come to the conclusion it's because I'm a people watcher. The joy of someone ranting is that you learn a great deal about their preferences. A polite and quiet person is much harder to analyse. As a result, I have a much clearer idea of what the magazines with ranty editors want. That doesn't mean I'll hit the panel pin on the head with submissions, but it raises the chances that I'll get it right.

There is the chance of being publicly named for messing up. I'll take that chance. I don't do the angry rant thing, so it would only be for messing up a submission guideline. Those sorts of errors are embarrassing, but peanuts compared to some. As long as I can avoid the nuclear explosion level of mistake, I'm sure no one is going to hold it against me.

Eurovision Song Contest - 2008

The Eurovision Song Contest is big in Europe. It's been running since 1956 and many countries take part. That doesn't mean we take it seriously. The voting is often political and the quality of the songs is somewhat variable. My family gets the popcorn in and watches it for laughs.

This year it was in Belgrade, where robot dancing seems to be big. I think it's funny that the BBC offers a 'sing-along' for the contest. Singing along to songs you haven't heard before in languages you don't speak?

Entry Highlights

Germany often enters crazy people. This year they weren't crazy at all. But have no fear! A new crazy entry maker is on the block...

Bosnia Herzegovina's act involved brides and pegging clothes onto a washing line. One of the lead singers was dramatically unveiled as he threw off the shirt hiding his head (then it was pegged on the line). The climax was the brides getting out their knitting.

Finland entered some gothic rock. They won before with a monster rock band (Lordi). I didn't think this was as fun as Lordi, but it's nice to see some rock in there.

Croatia... Terry Wogan, the UK voice-over presenter for the contest, described this as "men in hats and a grumpy old man". My brother described it as the Croatian mafia. Vote for them, or you'll be visiting the fishes. I liked the bit where the old guy does the DJ record scratching thing with a gramophone.

Latvia is pioneering a new musical genre - pirate pop. Piratey lyrics ahoy! Arr.

France's lead singer had a beard, so they put false beards on the backing singers to match. Pity they were women.

Spain's lead singer had one of those toy guitars. You know the ones. Plastic things with keys on. You hit the keys for a fun novelty sound. That was the only thing the song had going for it.

And the Winner Is...

Currently, they have someone from each country announcing that country's votes. The Moldova announcer looked drunk from the start. His shirt was all dishevelled and his tie loose. Then he started speaking. Yep, he was drunk.

But anyway, the winner was Russia. The voting in Eurovision is very political, so you can usually guess the winner without hearing the songs. With that said, it wasn't a bad song, which is fortunate. The pain if the bridal clothes-line song had won...

Of Shoes and Ships and Sealing-Wax

The moon might be shining sulkily, but I'm not. I have a number of yayful updates, so I'll lump them in together.

Contest: I won the dialogue contest (a copy of my entry is here). I was surprised, as there were approximately 592 entries. It's time for the doughnuts (if I had any). No drills though, because that's just icky.

Jobs: I have a job offer for a full-time job. It's been some years getting to this point, but that's a story in itself involving getting a second degree, cutting down trees and pretending to be a robot. Maybe I'll tell it someday.

Coming Soon: I've been playing around with online avatar makers. Watch this space for the results, along with my reviews of how sparklie each generator was.

Have You Seen This Duck? In sorting out new edits of old photos for my new site (try saying that quickly), I found this little guy. Do you know what he is? Neither do I. If anyone has a lead on what sort of duck this ducky is, let me know. Or if he isn't a duck at all.

Time to trot home, little oysters.

Immortal Truths: A Dialogue Story

Another Nathan Bransford contest is in the making. This time for dialogue. My entry is a complete flash fiction, rather than a piece from something longer. Disclaimer: don't try anything in this story at home.

Immortal Truths

"Davie, dearest? That's a very bad idea."

"Why?" asked Davie. He stopped the drill an inch from his head.

"Dying is terribly unpleasant."

"I won't die. My mind isn't bound to my physical form. This will prove my independence from mortal flesh!"

"I'm sure it will, dear," I said. "But you'll get blood on your clothes. What would your mother think?"

He lowered the drill. "She'd be angry."

"Exactly. Why don't we prove your independence from mortal flesh some other way?"

"There isn't another way."

I sighed. "You could go on a quest or sing about it, like a normal young man. You're making my job very hard."

He scowled. "You just don't understand."

"Of course I do, poppet. Come on, let's get some doughnuts. You'd miss doughnuts without a body, wouldn't you?"

"I suppose." Davie looked at the drill. "Fairy Godmother? Can I drill holes in the doughnuts?"

"Yes dear. If it stops you drilling holes in yourself, go right ahead."

Building Fanbases Without Killing the Bunny

In the style of Brand or be Branded, I'm going to delve into the world of marketing again. This time, looking at building fanbases. Much like branding, fans can happen whether you like it or not. When they turn out to have bunny boiler leanings, this is a scary thing.

Anyway, what are people saying about building fanbases? You've got to play gigs... most articles are about building a fanbase for a band. I was pretty good at the drums in Rockband, so there might be hope yet.


Chatting with True Fans

Kevin Kelly in 1000 True Fans considers a true fan to be one who'll buy anything you do. His theory focuses on direct contact with fans, through archives of work, social networking and blogging. This can lead to crazy stuff, like authors taking donations from their true fans... and publishing the book once a target is met. You need some really TRUE (and hopefully wealthy) fans for that one.

Interesting that he doesn't mention posting useful articles, which many people suggest. I'm inclined to agree with the omission. Being useful is a nice thing to do, but it doesn't build community. My dragon site is popular for its dragoniness, yet social features have never done well on the site.

Thinking about things I'm a fan of, having a community of fans to share it with does change my buying habits. I brought far more My Little Ponies when I was involved in the community.


How to Interact with Fans

The most popular of the blogs I frequent tend to have bubbly, outgoing writers. Rather than being a social ivy vine, like me. I reckon the ivy wins in the end, because I'm just as green during the bad weather. And I have poisonous berries! Hmm, that bit doesn't work so well with the analogy...

Trying again... though it might be tempting to mimic someone popular, I think it's dangerous in the long term. People feel deceived when they realise you're not who you say you are. Honesty goes a long way. Get your poisonous berries in the open, because we all have faults (see, the berries did mean something!).

Others might disagree of course, but when I'm being fannish, I'd rather the object of my obsession was honest over popular.


Treating Fans Badly

There's not much funny to say about an author encouraging their fans to game the Amazon review system, then harassing someone who gives a three star review. It just goes to show, bunny boiling is not reserved for fans towards authors. Authors can threaten to boil their fan's bunnies too. I've made a note not to do this, so your bunny is safe.

Bribery also gets looked down on, but I'm all for being bribed with paperclips or tasty treats. Send them this way!


Final Words...

...don't boil my bunny.

New Personal Website

Back in the day, I used to have a personal website (in computing terms, eleven years is enough time to evolve a whole new race of sentient amoebae, so I'm going to consider it old enough for 'back in the day'). But as time went on, it got more and more about dragons. Soon, I was a lonely about the author page.

I decided it'd be nice to have a personal site again, with some of my writing and art stuff. It's just the bare layout bones at the moment, with a few examples of stuff in each section. Regular blog readers will recognise most of the content. People stalking me across the internet will recognise all of it (other than one new story).

I'll be getting to adding new stuff over the coming months. But I thought some people might want to watch it blossom like a cornflower. And maybe give some comments on whether anything looks fuggly in your browser.

The site is here: Polenth's Nothing

Book Burning and Greeny Jungles (Book Ramblings)

I had some reading time while I was away. Yay! I read three books, and brought a fourth that I've read online. Here are my ramblings about them.


Fahrenheit 451 (Ray Bradbury)

A novel about a man who burns books for a living. I know, I should get smited for not having read this earlier. It's a speculative fiction classic and all that. I tend to enjoy dystopian future books, so it's not much of a surprise that I liked it.


Zahrah the Windseeker (Nnedi Okorafor-Mbachu)

This is young adult speculative fiction. It is set in the Ooni Kingdom, a civalisation on a jungle planet. The main character, Zahrah, has to come to terms with having dada hair (hair with vines in it). I loved the world and the plant technology, and that fact that Zahrah's coming-of-age included learning lessons about her culture as well as herself.

As a note to this, I'm trying to get a bit of a feel for the market as I edit my African fantasy. So if anyone knows of other African-inspired fantasies, I'm open to suggestions.


I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You (Ally Carter)

I brought this book in America, as it was about spies. I bet Bex doesn't announce she's a spy when she enters the US. I didn't like the start, but it did get better. It seemed as though the things I was interested in didn't get much of a mention, like the other classmates, how Macey got on in her early days and what they did in lessons. I will say that I too was a person who was excited the first time I got to use the wipers on a car.


Diary of a Wimpy Kid (Jeff Kinney)

A middle-grade humour book, about the daily life of a boy who is wimpy. This book was first available online, for free. You can still read it here. The online success led to it being picked up for publication. Sometimes these things do happen. It's just rare. Anyway, I enjoyed the book enough to buy the first one.

Customs Asks 'Are You Evil'?

I may do a summary post of what I got up to while I was away. Or not. Either way, I have a short rambling about visa waivers. These are forms people from friendly countries have to fill in before entering the US. For those that have never seen one, they ask things you might not expect. As well as personal details, the form asks a number of yes/no questions, such as:

Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or in terrorist activites; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were involved, in any way, in the persecutions associated with Nazi Germany and its allies?

You'd be a pretty poor spy if you answered 'yes' to that one.

They do ask other things like:

or are you seeking entry to engage in criminal or immoral activites?

I suppose telling the truth worked for Captain Jack Sparrow when he wanted to steal a ship, but for most people that tactic fails.

I wonder if anyone has been stupid enough to tick 'yes' to any of them. Just don't say yes as a joke. Jokes are banned at customs (they had a sign at the airport to confirm this). Fortunately, giggling at the questions isn't banned.

Six Things You Didn't Think to Ask

I was tagged by the six things blog game while I was gone. So this is a bit late, but better late than never. Here are six random bits of trivia about me. I've tried to go for things I don't think I've mentioned on the blog before.

1. My hair started going grey when I was eighteen. It's not been too quick, but the grey is noticeable. I don't plan on dying it as I think it looks cool. Funny story about my recent Vegas trip: one of the casinos has a game where you get a toy if they can't guess your approximate age. I saw the guy's eyes going to my greying hair... he guessed 42. I now have a fluffy ray as a prize. Yay!
   
   It'd make my life easier if more people looked at my hair. Most look at my face. Then I get asked for ID. Younger is the more flattering way to make an age mistake, but more inconvenient.
   
   I don't mind mistakes either way if they mean I get a toy.
2. I have simian lines on my hands. This is where you have a line that goes right across the palm of the hand, rather than the classic head and heart line. I first noticed as a teenager, when I tried to compare my hand to a chart outside a fortune-teller's tent. Till then it hadn't occurred to me, as I didn't make a habit of looking at people's palms.
3. I'm ambidextrous. I can write with both hands, though the handwriting is different with each hand. My right handwriting is rounded and either upright or slanted to the right. My left handwriting is thin and spidery and slants to the left. Take that graphologists!
4. I'm naturally nocturnal. I prefer to sleep in the daylight and struggle to sleep at night. The real world isn't too sympathetic about that, so I've learnt to be adaptable about when I sleep.
5. I was running out of trivia, so I asked my boyfriend for some things. His first was "You have a good poker face." True, though a more general way of saying it would be that people have a hard time reading me. My expressions and body language are a little different compared to most people.
6. His second thing was I need food every few hours, or I get lethargic and quiet. I suspect he came up with this one as he's been trained to feed me anytime I go like this. If I'm ever famous, make a note... I need sugary snacks in my dressing room. Though go too far with the sugar and I'll probably try to chase you and stick glitter on you. You've been warned.
   
   I also lose weight really fast if I don't keep my food levels up. I purposefully keep my weight above the minimum for my height, as it gives me safety room if I get sick.

I'm supposed to tag people, but I think most bloggers I read have done this fairly recently. If you'd like to be tagged, feel free to tag yourself. The copy/pasted rule thingy is below:

1) Link back to the person who tagged you. 2) Post the rules on your blog. 3) Write six things about yourself. 4) Tag six people at the end of your post by posting links to their blog sites. 5) Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their site. 6) And let your tagger know when your entry is up.